I find myself at a different place with Hugh, than the other two adoptions. Falling in love with a 6 year old versus a 27 month old and a 14 month old with lots of needs is just a different process. One of the things I needed to do is to go back and try to imagine Hugh's history. The bad stuff, the laying in a crib for so many hours during a day that your head is incredibly misshaped. The many times that he was sick with no mama or daddy to comfort him, to hold him when his throat was so sore and he had a fever. When his teeth were coming in and he cried excessively did anybody give him something to soothe his pain. I need to roll around in his life story and remember where he has been and what has happened to him. For me, it helps me process his story and build my love for not just an ordinary 6 year old, but an extraordinary 6 year old who has survived things that no 6 year old should have to in a life time.
If I think I am just adopting a 6 year old from an orphanage, I would be doing a huge disservice to Hugh in the long run. My expectations would be of a 6 year old who was born and raised in America. For me, I need to go to those bad places in his life to see that he needs to feel the love like a baby feels the love from his mom. I need to meet his basic needs first and move from there. He needs to know my love for him is secure and I need to do that by rolling around in the pain and trauma he has experienced.
I don't know if this makes sense to the average person, but it is my way to process the adoption of my little guy.