Friends



Sophia, Bei, Rosalia and Gabe

 



Two years ago when we moved, one of my primary prayers was that I would find good Christian women to build a friendship.   God has more than answered my prayer!   We chose half day Kindergarten last year for Bei, and there were 4 other mom's that also chose half-day for their child.   Those mom's are the people who have become my friends and my support.  

Recently Kai was sick and I asked Sophia's mom if she would walk Bei out of the school and I would pick him up at the curb.   Instead she insisted on driving him out to our house.    Kai was able to have an extra long nap because of her generosity.   The next day, Rosalia's mom called me and said she would drive Bei home if Kai was still sick.   It would have been a 20 mile round trip drive for her!!   Later in the week, Kai was sick again, (he has double ear infection) and Gabe's mom picked up Bei from school and the boys had a fun playdate.   Once again, Kai was able to have a nice long nap.   These women and the children involved in Bei's life are answers to prayers!!  And Bei has some wonderful friends that he is building his childhood memories with.

I am blessed!

Kai Update

Kai signing Dad or Da Da as he calls him.  

(Sometimes that poor kid looks like pigpen, his mom should really put a clean shirt on him, brush his hair and wash his face every now and then)

 

 

There is just a sweetness about Kai, he is so easy to love.  He turned 4 this month!

 

 

This morning Kai woke up and said "Dad, drive to work.  Mom, stay home.   Kai go to school, it's good.  Bei goes to school."   Or I should correct that and say he "signed" it all to me.   I felt like we were having a conversation this morning.   His sign language is developing and he is becoming so comfortable signing.   Today, his therapist turned to me and asked how to sign mouse, I didn't quite remember but I was looking at Kai and saw him sign mouse.   He is learning more ASL than myself and retains it really well.   ASL is definitely becoming his primary mode of communication.   I requested that the teachers at Auditory/Oral school begin to sign with him.   There was a some push back by the teachers because they are an oral only school, but the Principal who is Hard of Hearing (HOH) said that it was important that they meet Kai where he is at.   We agreed upon 40 words that they would teach him by the end of the school year.   I just counted in his booklet that they have already taught him over 50 words, not including the alphabet which he is still learning, along with counting.   Another little boy just started at Kai's school who also had no expressive language but signs, so it makes me wonder how and if their curriculum will begin to change to start accommodating the needs of the kids in the district.  The positive of the ASL is that I think that it has provided a visual cue for Kai to help with his speech.   We see much more babbling and words emerging.  He will sign brown and say a word very close to brown.   He says the word off pretty well too.  

One of the frustrating things in the Deaf Community is that the schools are either all Oral (like Kai's) or they are voice off Deaf Schools.   That means if Kai went to the Metro Deaf School where they sign ASL, all day he would basically be in silence.   I really appreciate the fact that Kai's oral school is accommodating him.   He LOVES school!   Everyday I ask him by signing, how was school.   Every day he signs, "Good".   I haven't taught him the sign for bad yet, because I'm not stupid people.   If there is only one option, then everything is always roses!  

I am learning about the Deaf Culture and a few of the more interesting points is that the Deaf Culture is very tight and they are very loyal to one another.   They are willing to go above and beyond for a person in their group.   Their idea of physical space is different than the hearing worlds.   It is not uncommon to wave your hand in someone's face or touch someone's arm.   I was in a class where the teacher grabbed my foot and shook it to get my attention.   In the Deaf Culture independence is not valued as highly as it is in the hearing world.  Needing friends and family is much more acceptable in their world.   I've also learned that it is really tiring to have to work at listening all day.   That many HOH kids who are mainstreamed work extremely hard to fit in academically and socially.   That faking it and pretending to hear every thing said  is common among children.    There is so much for me to learn yet.   Kai is doing fantastic and I am pleased with his progress. 



 



 

The Face of God

This is a picture of Kai a year ago from this month.   He has come so far!

To love somebody is to see the face of God.   I recently heard this quote and thought that it summed up what my last post was trying to say.  When I look at Kai every day I see the face of God.  He is everything I would like to achieve and be some day.  He is fearless, determined, tenacious, powerful, loving, innocent, trusting and intelligent.  

At this time last year Kai was evaluated by the school district and some of the labels that were applied to him can be daunting.  When reading diagnosis such as Severe Receptive and Expressive Language Disorder it can be a real kick in the stomach .   In every area that he was evaluated he scored -3 STD from the mean with the exception of Cognitively Delayed he tested -1 STD from the mean.    However, I know that he is not a sum of his labels but rather a unique little boy with special needs and abilities.  On one part of the evaluation it stated "Kai is unable to physically point to any of the named pictures of the test, therefore, there was no basal or ceiling obtained for the test."   A year ago, Kai didn't have the fine motor skills to even point.  He was so locked in by his own body that an accurate picture of who Kai is meant to be is still being revealed.   Oh my, how far that little boy has come in one years time.  Today that same little boy is signing in ASL signs that require complicated fine motor skills.   He is identify the letters of the alphabet, he is counting, he is communicating his needs mostly through ASL.   We celebrated his birthday today, he turned 4 years old.   We celebrated without candles because he doesn't have the ability to blow outward.   There is still much work ahead for Kai, however, we celebrate Kai where he was yesterday and where he is today.   To love somebody is to see the face of God.  Indeed!! 

Transformed

Here is a picture of Kai the first day that we adopted him.  Notice how I have to hold him because he doesn't have the ability, strength or muscle tone to hold on to me.   

When I went over to China in 2008, to adopt Bei, I did not know how much my life was going to change.   I did not go to China in search of a spiritual transformation.  We went to China to start a family, plain and simple.  I naively stepped off that plane thinking that everything would be the same when I came back.  However, NOTHING was the same when I came home, and, the most profound change has been a spiritual change.  I wish I had a fascinating testimony where I could say that I saw a bright light and angels started singing but that was not the case.  Instead, everything that I believed in changed once I was home; I was transformed into a true believer.  I knew immediately that I had shed the old me.   More importantly, for the first time in my life, I could honestly say I knew there was a God without question.   I felt and feel his presence daily.  I feel that somewhere along that journey to China I have been given the gift of faith.   I would marvel at the fact that a little boy was born on the other side of the world and because of circumstances out of his parents control, they had to give him back to the Universe.  That Universe, that God, brought him to me, to care for, to love, to guide for the rest of his life.  Bei is so meant to be my child in so many ways.   I get him, I understand him and he is so similar to me.   For two years I secretly reveled in the fact that I was God's favorite!  Two years later we adopted Kai.   Here was this little baby who's brain was not functioning properly (seizures), who had neurological and a muscular conditions, who couldn't hear, who was majorly developmentally delayed.   I look back now and I realized how God had prepared me.   My trust, my belief and faith was in Him.   I knew He had given me Kai to take care of and that he was a special child, as all children are, but this little Kai needed extra special care.    I knew there was plan for Kai and I just needed to follow where God led me.   In an odd way, the year that I fought the school district, has been my most cherished year in following God.   I had no other alternative but to trust and to lean on Him because humanity was failing my child.   However, I knew God would never fail Kai. 

Let me also say that my following Christ looks nothing like what I stereotypically think of "Good Christians".   Prior to adopting I lived a pretty hedonistic lifestyle.  I wasn't very close to God, therefore, I have a lot to answer for.    I thought following Christ would mean using words like pious, righteousness and judgment.   Instead, the words that I hear most often used are Grace, Mercy and Redemption.   I thought there was a way to "act" if you are a Christian and now I realize that He just wants you to be you and live your life to bring Glory to Him.   Believe me a curse word still slips out of my mouth here and there, I still sin, I fail daily, I can't quote any bible scriptures and I don't go to church every Sunday.  But  I also know that God has a plan for me and my children if in we live in obedience to his Word. 
 

A Special Lady

My cousin Mary Jeannine with her mom ,my Aunt Jeannine (not to be confused with my sister Jeannine who comments on the blog)  I know it is a lot of Jeannine's in the family!

I loved this picture of my Aunt J because it shows her high cheek bones and her gorgeous green eyes.   

My Aunt Jeannine died unexpectedly this week, she is my grandma's youngest sister.   I am so saddened by her passing.   She is going to leave a legacy behind her.    She was incredibly intelligent, well read and educated.  I think of her as fearless, and tenacious without being a bulldog.    My Aunt J graduated with a degree in Social Work from Loyola University and received her Masters degree from University of Illinois Chicago.  All after raising 5 children.   Her gift was that she was the world's best listener.  She actively listened and always asked interesting and probing questions.  She always made you feel that you were the only person in the room.  She never was distracted by others conversation her total focus was always on who ever she was speaking with.   It truly is a lost art...the art of listening.   She traveled the world over and had interesting and funny stories.   She has been one of the most supportive people of our adoptions.  She would cut out articles about China or Chinese adoptions and send them to me to read.   She worked as an adoption social worker in the Chicago area, so she understood the industry well. 

There is definitely a hole in our family without her and it has only been a day.   My Aunt was my Grandmother's youngest sister.   Both of my grandma's sisters had children more in the age range of us.  So we spent a lot of fun times with my grandma and her sisters with all of their kids.   They were more like our first cousins, rather than our second cousins.   My grandma and her two sisters taught all of us what family loyalty was about without being exclusive of others.   They shared, they loved, they laughed and they cried together because they were sisters and they were family.   The three of them were such an incredibly strong role model to us all.  

My grandma and her sisters established our family dynamic where cousins, aunts and uncles celebrate every Christian holiday together in addition to Halloween, New Years and Birthdays.  Not because it is an obligation but because we all support, love and enjoy one another.   No generation is excluded and my family goes to great length to make sure everyone get's to the party.    It is a family dynamic that most people would be envious of.     Aunt Jeannine is going to be missed dearly by all of us, because of her authenticity, compassion and wonderful stories.    She built a legacy that will continue past her time here on earth.   Rest in Peace Aunt Jeannine...you loved and you were loved!

Every Child Deserves a Mrs. R

Waiting for the parade to start is serious business for these fella's!

Last year, I received a much needed gift from someone in an area of my life that I didn't even realize that I needed help until time had passed.   I was so caught up into my day to day life of therapies, Dr. appointments, fighting the school district that I was unaware of the importance of what was being given to me.   Let me start off this story by saying that Bei has been gracious and kind beyond words in how he has allowed me to focus on Kai these past 2.5 years.  However, there has been a price that Bei has paid because of it.   Bei had unaddressed educational needs that I wasn't really aware of until he started Kindergarten.   I am going to back you into how the gift came into my life by sharing a little history about Bei.  

Back when Bei had his mandatory pre-school screening at age 3 he didn't pass...he failed!   I was shocked!!!  What???   Didn't this woman testing him notice his "high forehead"????   For those of you who have been reading this blog from the beginning remember all the Asians who came up to me and said "Very smart boy...high forehead".   To refresh your memory here is the Link.  Plus, my own experience told me that this little guy is VERY smart!   But nope, he didn't pass and he was to be evaluated for an IEP.   I was having none of it.   I called the woman's supervisor and we spoke about the test and he was retested.  A second woman tested him and said she had to do a lot more for him than other kids his age, but she passed him.   As I was leaving she suggested that I take him to an Occupational Therapist.   WHAT????   I pointed to Bei's forehead and gave her "the look", geeeeezzzz, she must not know what a Chinese genius looks like!   And therapy???? that is for people that have "real problems", not my perfect little boy with the "high forehead".   (God must have been giggling pretty hard at this point, considering all the therapy that laid ahead of us with Kai). 

Once Bei was enrolled in preschool, the teacher and I concentrated on Bei's emotional needs and dealt with his severe separation anxiety, rather than his academic needs.  He had the high forehead so  I didn't need to worry about the academics.   All of the children's work from preschool was collected each day and put in a book and given to the parents at the end of the year.  When I received Bei's portfolio of work after a year of attending preschool I couldn't wait to see all the work he had done.   I excitedly opened it,  but it was a filled with blank page after blank page.  He had never even traced one letter of the alphabet...gulp!   Uh oh...this little boy is going into kindergarten not able to write any of his letters or numbers.  We spent the summer prior to kindergarten learning how to write the ABC's, and I found out really quickly that writing is hard for Bei.   I see now what I didn't even see then, Bei has fine motor delay...he needs Occupational Therapy...she says while eating crow.

 Let me preface that Bei entered kindergarten with several strikes against him;

• I was still in denial that he was anything but a genius,
• I chose half day kindergarten over the full day program, 
• Kai was in the throws of screaming all night long and I was physically and emotionally drained.
• I was beginning my fight with the public school district over their denials of Kai's education. 

I didn't have a lot of extra in my tank to give to Bei.  This is where the gift part comes in.  Fortunately for us, God led us to the perfect school for Bei.   It had a small class size of 17 kids and a close knit community of parents and teachers.   Most importantly, God brought an angel into Bei's life to teach him and guide him, her name was Mrs. Redmond.   Mrs. R is one of those teachers that changes the course of a child's life.   She was able to see Bei's strengths, that he was smart but he was significantly behind the other children in reading and writing.  She was able to secure an English as a Second Language (ESL) Teacher to work with him on a weekly basis.  He needed it!!!   She also convinced me that he needed to be at school full day.  That was a hard one for me to let go of him.  But it was also a mistake on my part not to have done it sooner.  The thing that really stood out for me regarding Mrs. R is not only the passion she had for all the children in her room, but the joy and sense of accomplishment she saw in their progress.   I loved how she saw Bei's strengths and emphasized those but didn't shrink away from the fact that he needed additional help.   She did something that I know will be hard to find again with his future teachers...she fought for him.   She committed to closing the academic gap and advocated for him when I didn't have the energy and knowledge to do it.   She also handled Bei's separation anxiety with the compassion and firmness that both Bei and I needed.   When people fight for what is right it is a beautiful thing, but someone fighting for your child because she cares about his education is a REMARKABLE gift.  She changed the course of his life by stepping in and going above and beyond.  My mind sometimes goes to that place of "what if?"...what if Bei would have had another teacher that didn't work so hard to close the achievement gap?   Perhaps he would have been held back because they didn't have the commitment that Mrs. R had?   What if he fell further and further behind in reading?   Let me just say that I am forever grateful to this special woman that came into my son's life when I wasn't able to be the best for him.   I don't believe it was an accident...I believe it was all orchestrated by His hand.   Thank you Mrs. Redmond!!!!!!!!!!!!   I will be eternally grateful! You have raised the bar high for all of us.   

This year, I am able to go fight the fight for my little guy.   I am pushing him because I believe that he can close that achievement gap.   I work with Bei on a daily basis and he is making great strides in his reading and writing skills.  He also is being evaluated by an Occupational Therapist for his fine motor skills and we will get him any help that he needs to gain the skills that he needs.  Currently, he has the hand writing skills of a doctor...hmmm...I know he would make a great doctor because have I mentioned his forehead?...it is huge!!!

Then and Now

 Bei waiting for his Forever Family to come and pick him up in China

 

 He could never imagine what was in store for him and how much we would love him.

 

 He was 27 months old when we picked him up in May 2008 and weighed 16 lbs.   The little girl next to him is Sarah who was adopted by an Ohio family. 

 

 I went to China with fear of the unknown enveloping every cell of my body.  I had never parented before and had no idea what was about to happen to my life.

 

 Love happened!  This little police officer has redefined love for me.  

 

 I never knew you could love someone so much. 

 

Bei is everything I ever wanted in a child...minus the whining...but you get what I mean.