Transformed

Here is a picture of Kai the first day that we adopted him.  Notice how I have to hold him because he doesn't have the ability, strength or muscle tone to hold on to me.   

When I went over to China in 2008, to adopt Bei, I did not know how much my life was going to change.   I did not go to China in search of a spiritual transformation.  We went to China to start a family, plain and simple.  I naively stepped off that plane thinking that everything would be the same when I came back.  However, NOTHING was the same when I came home, and, the most profound change has been a spiritual change.  I wish I had a fascinating testimony where I could say that I saw a bright light and angels started singing but that was not the case.  Instead, everything that I believed in changed once I was home; I was transformed into a true believer.  I knew immediately that I had shed the old me.   More importantly, for the first time in my life, I could honestly say I knew there was a God without question.   I felt and feel his presence daily.  I feel that somewhere along that journey to China I have been given the gift of faith.   I would marvel at the fact that a little boy was born on the other side of the world and because of circumstances out of his parents control, they had to give him back to the Universe.  That Universe, that God, brought him to me, to care for, to love, to guide for the rest of his life.  Bei is so meant to be my child in so many ways.   I get him, I understand him and he is so similar to me.   For two years I secretly reveled in the fact that I was God's favorite!  Two years later we adopted Kai.   Here was this little baby who's brain was not functioning properly (seizures), who had neurological and a muscular conditions, who couldn't hear, who was majorly developmentally delayed.   I look back now and I realized how God had prepared me.   My trust, my belief and faith was in Him.   I knew He had given me Kai to take care of and that he was a special child, as all children are, but this little Kai needed extra special care.    I knew there was plan for Kai and I just needed to follow where God led me.   In an odd way, the year that I fought the school district, has been my most cherished year in following God.   I had no other alternative but to trust and to lean on Him because humanity was failing my child.   However, I knew God would never fail Kai. 

Let me also say that my following Christ looks nothing like what I stereotypically think of "Good Christians".   Prior to adopting I lived a pretty hedonistic lifestyle.  I wasn't very close to God, therefore, I have a lot to answer for.    I thought following Christ would mean using words like pious, righteousness and judgment.   Instead, the words that I hear most often used are Grace, Mercy and Redemption.   I thought there was a way to "act" if you are a Christian and now I realize that He just wants you to be you and live your life to bring Glory to Him.   Believe me a curse word still slips out of my mouth here and there, I still sin, I fail daily, I can't quote any bible scriptures and I don't go to church every Sunday.  But  I also know that God has a plan for me and my children if in we live in obedience to his Word.