Kai's Public School

 

 

 

Kai is into his 3rd week of school and I am so incredibly pleased with it.   The public auditory/oral school is housed in a brand new building along with the Early Childhood Special Education (ECSE)  and the Courage Center which is a  private Pediatric Rehabilitation Center that he attends.   The first week Kai attended school he had new braces fitted for his feet since he out grew the original pair.   His physical therapist from ECSE would go down to his room and remove his braces daily and check his feet for sores.   She taught each of the teachers how to put his braces on properly.   Next week we are going to have Kai wear his Theratog (compression suit) and the ECSE physical therapist will show myself and the teachers how to put it on Kai.   Additionally the ECSE occupational therapist has been showing the teachers the proper way Kai should be sitting so that he can concentrate on learning rather than stabilizing his body.   On Tuesday afternoon's Kai walks from his classroom down the hallway for his private speech therapy at Courage Center.   The collaboration between the three entities is more than I could have dreamed.   With this school the whole child is being treated and I think it has been a fabulous first 3 weeks. 

With that said, there are some things that I need to address with the school regarding Kai's IEP.   Ugh...   To be honest, I dread it, but as I wrote in my previous emails regarding IEP's I am his advocate and I need to hold the school accountable to follow the IEP.   It is such a critical time right now for Kai regarding speech and I want to make sure that he is pushed in his expressive language. 

Sidenote:   My computer died...funny... how a glass of lemonade and electronics don't mix...oops.   Pictures may be a little scarce until I get a new computer.   This old computer wants to load all 677 of my pix from my disc and doesn't provide an option to pick and choose the latest pictures.  That is probably the most expensive lemonade I ever poured...

  

Redemption

My dad meeting Bei for the first time when we first came home from China.
   The things that I inherited from my dad are his blues eyes, the rest of my siblings have green eyes like my mom.   His thin build.  His curly hair and unfortunately circles and bags under my eyes...rats on that one!

Several months ago when I heard Whitney Houston died my first thought was "Oh no, there is no redemption for Whitney".   I thought of all the wrongs that she had committed against her child Bobbi Kristina, all the pain that she caused her, all the wretched awful things that Bobbi Kristina had witnessed, the raw open wounds of her heart and spirit, all due to her mother's drug addiction.   I feel sad because now that Whitney is dead there is no way to right those wrongs for her daughter.   Why does this story resonate so strongly with me you may wonder?   My dad was an alcoholic.   Without going into too much detail, I will share with you that my first memories of my dad were of violence.  Waking up to punched holes in the door or walls, walking on eggshells because you never knew what the trigger was that was going to set him off.   I lived in fear of my father.   The ability for him to show love and be kind at times never offset for me the times of violence.   Even as a child I could not reconcile how a person could show love to his children and I believe our dad really loved us, but then in another moment physically harm his children.   For me it meant a childhood of keeping my head down low and walking wide circles around my dad.    Alcoholism is an insidious disease and this was not the person who God had intended my father to be.  In the early years my dad was what would be called a "functioning alcoholic", eventually his alcoholism took over his life and he was no longer able to keep a home or a job.  In the height of my father's alcoholism after losing his wife, the respect of his children, his job, his house, (and alot more happened which I won't devulge), my father stopped drinking.   Cold turkey!!!   He did it!   He is lucky he didn't have a seizure and die but I believe God had plans for him.  My father went on to remarry, hold down a good job and build a new life for himself without alcohol.   Slowly but surely, he and I started to build our relationship.   We found common ground, things that we both liked to talk about, traveling, politics, music and books.   I watched my dad in his new family be a wonderful father figure to his step-children and his grandchildren.   The type of father that I would have LOVED to have, someone who encouraged and inspired them to challenge themselves to be the best that they could be.  You may have thought I felt envy or jealousy towards his new family, but I never did.   My dad never said he was sorry about the alcoholism or the  abuse, but for me those would be mere words, they wouldn't change anything that happened.   Instead my dad gave me a greater gift, he allowed me to sit front and center and watch the meaning of life which I believe is a life of redemption.   Isn't that why Jesus died on the cross for us?   I watched this man who truly had hit rock bottom, pull himself up with his own bootstraps and move forward and live a Godly life.    I am proud of what he did and who he became. 


My dad died a year ago this past March 23rd and his birthday was yesterday, September 17th.   He would have been 75 years old.  I miss him.  My dad became someone who I enjoyed and I wanted him to be a part of my life.  He LOVED the blog.  We would talk about every two weeks on the phone and I don't remember an occasion when we didn't laugh at some point of the conversation.   Miss you dad and thank you for getting sober...it meant everything!!!!!!!!!!

Hope

 

It is amazing how much your life can change in a few months.   Today, this little boy started full time school at the PUBLIC Auditory/Oral School which is now located a few blocks from Bei's school.   I am so incredibly excited about the curriculum and how his school day is structured! 

 

  Four months ago I still felt like I was in quicksand.  Every waking moment was consumed by my concern for Kai.   Was I doing everything I possibly could to help my Sweetie Pie get unlocked, so that he could communicate and live an independent and successful life?   Over the summer I saw so much development, so much hope for Kai's future.   I heard Kai say words like "mom", "no", "under", "bubble", "dog", not consistently, but it gives me hope.   I consistently see Kai accurately choose the letter A, M, T, B and H from a phonics IPAD application.   I see Kai choose the blue color or the red color when he was asked.  I see a little boy who wants to play and was willing to go and engage his older brother.   I see a little boy that wants to use his hands to communicate, who felt pride when he discovered a new word in signing.    I see a little boy who is willing to fight and fight hard for everything he gets.   As Kai continues to unveil himself to us, I have so much hope for his future. 

Pacer Center - Champions for Children with Disabilities

Recently I was given the priviledge to share our story with Pacer so that they could use it to help educate other parents on how to advocate for their child.   You will have to scroll down a bit to see the video.   You can enlarge it by clicking on the lower right hand corner where it looks like four corners.   Here is my personal comment...(Please God let those large circles under my eyes be from not sleeping for two years and not old age!!)

Click on PACER’s Early Childhood website   Pacer Early Education Advocacy Site

 

"ALL DONE"

 This is Kai's "All Done" sign

 

 

Several months ago I realized that Kai needs a way to communicate to other people.   As I have mentioned in previous post, forming words is difficult for him.     I have been working hard to try to sign with him as much as I possibly can and he is catching on to it.   His most recent sign is “Medicine”.   He will sign medicine and remind ME in the morning that he has to take it.   Another sign that he recently mastered is "eat".   He looks me directly in the eye with a little cutie smirk signing "eat" and making sure that I sign back to him.  You can tell he is bursting with pride.   He loves for me to sign him the alphabet and to count up to ten.  I have been teaching myself sign language through the Signing Times DVD’s.   I have taken one class previously that taught the first 100 words that a child signs.   I am also going to take a class in the fall that is taught by the Metro Deaf School.   The fact of the matter is that I need to immerse myself/our family into the Deaf Culture if we are ever going to use American Sign Language fluently.   We need to begin going to Deaf events and surrounding ourselves with people that use American Sign Language. To be honest, getting involved with the Deaf community is so out of my comfort zone that I have to push myself to get involved in the events.   My analogy I thought of is if one day you woke up and realized, in order to communicate with your child you need to become involved with the Hmong community.   The first thing you need to do is find out where the events in the community are and find that person that is willing to take the time with you and your extremely poor and sometimes unrecognizable language as you try to speak Hmong.   All while you are trying not to insult their culture since you know very little of their social norms.  

 I'm nervous/scared of the unknown of getting involved in the Deaf community, however, I believe the return will be ten-fold for Kai's development, our relationship and his overall success.   



1st Grade Here I Come!!!

 

 

This little boy is starting first grade tomorrow!!   He has anxiety about it, but he will do well.   Today we met his teacher and found out that she has two adopted boys from Liberia...how awesome is that?   We have had a wonderful summer!   It has gone by fast.   All summer long I have been emphasizing to Bei ALL that he has accomplished!   You should see that little boy do cartwheels!  handstands!  he dives from the swim platform like a 13 year old kid, he sat on his two wheel bike for the first time this summer and immediately started riding without any assistance from me, and that little guy can hit a ball OUT OF THE PARK or in our world across the driveway!   Bei is not ready to be in any organized activities but I want him to realize all the things that he has accomplished on his own.   I am so proud of him!!!  Kai had summer school during the month of July which meant that Bei and I had what he termed as "mama time".    He and I spent several days at the zoo, mini golfing and swimming at the local lake!   We had some much needed time just the two of us.   Sad the summer is coming to a close but I have to admit that I am ready for some structure back into our routine. 

Ordinary Miracles

 

 

After John O'Connor asked to write on my blog I thought I would extend an invitation to my favorite blogger, Nancy from Ordinary Miracles.    I only read a hand full of blogs these days and Nancy's is always the first one that I check on a daily basis.   I like her blog because she is so authentic and really tells it how it is, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Plus her photography blows me away!  Anyway, I threw out several suggestions for her to write about and instead of picking "what is your favorite color of the rainbow and why?" (just kidding, of course)  in true authentic Nancy fashion she went for the meatiest of all my suggestions - How do other mom's regenerate themselves when they are feeling tired and run down?   I love her answer(s) to my question and hope you enjoy it too.

 

 

 

Liz wrote and asked,

How do you refresh yourself when you get in to a parenting slump? I am kind of in one now where I feel weary and beaten down a little and I don’t get a break. I always wonder how other moms refresh themselves.

Keeping it real, my knee jerk reaction to Liz's question is... You mean we can refresh ourselves? Who would've thunk? Sign me up! I want me some of that! Just tell me where they're selling it, 'cause I'm gonna buy bucket loads!

I am the epitome of weary and beaten down these days.

A break?

What's that all about?

Huh?

Currently I am definitely feeling weary.

And tired.

Beaten down.

With no break in sight.

Which of course leads to...

Feeling cranky.

And snarky.

Overly sensitive.

Argumentative.

Guilt ridden.

And generally not real fun to be around.

I am totally aware that I wouldn't even want to be in the same house as me right now.

But somebody has to do the important stuff like make the PB&Js and clean the pee off the seat so here I still am.

Settling back into reality and our busy lives after our summer stint at Little Cabin in the Woods, is always a tough transition for me. For various reasons, I'm not getting much sleep these days. Jude spilled $16 worth of trail mix on the floor. Sunny locked her keys in her car. One of the dogs jumped up on the counter and ate lunch. Patch started throwing up this morning... only after I thought he was trying to pull a fast one. Papa is out of town on business. The dust bunnies are taking over, not to mention the fingerprints. Miscellaneous other children who shall remain nameless are about to drive me over the edge. It has been no less than 251 degrees outside for months now, and my dishwasher hasn't worked in over 2 years!

But as much as I'd love to blame it on something, I'm the only one to blame.

Because I'm the only one who has the power to change my state of mind.

You know I'm writing this stuff down more for myself as anything else, right?

Long story short... I find myself tired, weary, and beaten down more often than I'd like to admit.

I used to think that perfect mamas didn't feel this way. And maybe I still do I mean. We're not suppose to admit how hard it is and that being a mama has the better of us. Mamas are suppose to be happy and loving all the time... right? We're suppose to be loving our job and so totally satisfiedXXXXXXx

But I'm old enough to realize that perfect mama doesn't exist, and we all find ourselves in a bad frame of mind occasionally.

But here's my light bulb moment that I've known all along, but only come to recently appreciate---It's all about what I do with our reaction to being tired and weary that matters.

After all, that's the stuff that I want to role model to my kids anyway. I've been preaching to my children for years now. We can't control your world, just our reaction to it.

So why shouldn't I take my own advice?

Truth be told, I don't think there is a quick fix for mama burn out. At least I've never found one. A weekend away or a massage is great, but I find that the thing that contributed to my burn out, which is almost always me anyway, is still right there when I get back. I think it's more a matter of how we mamas live our days and how we deal with that built-in stresses of being a mom. But Liz, I'm a linear kind of gal that loves me some practical suggestions! So rather than look for a quick fix that will likely lead me right back to where I started, it works better for me to have strategies in place all the time to help deal with the stresses of being a mama 24/7.

So, Liz, I know this isn't quite what you meant. Being a mom is tough work, and if there was a magic refresher pill, I'd be an addict by now. But this really is what I try to do and take into consideration when I'm feeling "weary and beaten down a little and I don’t get a break."

1) Pray. No matter how bad it gets, I know I'm not in this alone. God, who loves me more than I can imagine and has my back, is always my confidant, biggest cheerleader, and best advice giver. And He has already given me absolutely every single thing that I need to be the best mama, better than any other woman, to my children. If I can put my faith in this, (and that's easier said than done) the rest is gravy.

2) Do what you love. I love photography. Photography has the power to whisk me away to another world. When things are getting stressful, (and by stressful I mean that Boo is terrorizing the screeching younger children) I often pull out my camera simply because it makes me happy. Even better if I can include my children in what makes me happy. Sometimes we go on a "photo safari," or I use the occasion to take early (or late) birthday pics of one of the kiddos. Perhaps you love reading, knitting, writing, painting, craft projects, or geo-cashing. Do something you love when parenting is getting the best of you, and if you can get the children involved in it, then it's a win-win solution for all!

3) It's ok to hide. Sometimes I know when my mood is turning. But sometimes it's Papa that's the first to notice my beaten-down demeanor. Isn't it funny how often we moms don't even know how weary we're getting? When Papa notices this, he might suggest that I go get a pedicure, take a little nap, enjoy a bath, or just go away somewhere alone. No matter who notices it, 20-30 minutes alone with just my thoughts is an amazing refresher that can restore my perspective.

4) Change the scenery. Go grocery shopping. Run to the bank. Drop off those hand-me-downs. If you're anything like me, there's a list a mile long of errands that need to be run anyway. And while you're at it, put on the comedy station in the minivan to release those endorphin and change your mindset. A change of scenery can can kill two birds with one stone! There was a particularity difficult season in my life many years ago, when I would plead to run all errands anytime of day, just so I could get away in the car and listen to comedy radio. It didn't solve any problems, but during that season, it helped keep me sane.

5) Keep your marriage strong. Keeping a marriage healthy is work. In the 21 years Papa and I have been married it has definitely gone through different seasons with trials, smooth sailing, and everything in between. But all the while we work on it. We try to have "date night" at least once a week, even if it's just to the grocery store. We have become big fans of Applebee's (only a few minutes from our house) 2 for $20 on a weeknight after the younger children have gone to bed. A weekend away alone at least once per year is a priority. We have rules for fighting fair. And a strong marriage is pretty much a necessity for co-parenting.

6) Seek out your closest girlfriends. I have 3 women in my life I trust completely. They know my secrets. We have similar ideals and values, although age doesn't seem to matter. They know my faults and even my children's faults and still love all of us unconditionally. I work at these 3 relationships much like I work at keeping my marriage healthy. And when we get together, which we make sure happens regularly, we discuss the tough stuff as well as the celebrations. I can call any one of them up any time with any issue and often do. And they do the same with me. A sounding board that loves you and has your back, does a world of wonders.

7) Say your sorry, and keep your big "but" out of it. No matter what, there are those moments when I mess up big time. I yell. I say the wrong thing. I lose my temper. And countless other sins. You know the ones, the times you regret and can never take back. My children deserve to hear sorry on these occasions. So I suck it up and apologize, and be sure to do it without a big "but." None of "I'm sorry I yelled, but you know that you need to clean you room." 'Cause a real apologies don't have a but in it.

8) Get some sleep. One thing I know about myself is that if I'm not getting enough sleep, (which let's be honest, happens quite frequently with young children in the house!) I can be a bear. So a power nap (30 minutes max, or I just can't seem to wake up afterwards) when Mimi is napping helps so so much. I've long gotten over feeling guilty about sleeping midday. I try to go to bed early when I didn't sleep well the night before. A happy, well-rested mama is worth more than a load of folded laundry or clean dishes any day!

9) We've now come to the TMI portion of the blog... consider what time of the month it is. I know there are a few days each month that find me particularity... what's the technical word for it... whackadoodle emotionally sensitive. I know it's not this way for all women, but for me it definitely happens. During these days, I try to keep my head down. I try not to confront the big stuff. If there are any issues that need to be addressed, I differ the discussion a few days. There's nothing here that says to dismiss my feelings, but hormones can play a real role in a woman's state of mind so I might as well acknowledge and deal with it.

So there you have it.

Does it always work? Nope.

Do I always remember to do this? Not even close.

Do I still get tired and weary? Totally.

Do I make mistakes? Oh yea.

Is it easy? No way!

But do I try to do better? Absolutely.

Does it help to have a plan? For sure!

Am I still learning from my mistakes? Yep.

'Cause there really isn't a better alternative for my family and me.

I've told myself this mantra countless times, Do the best you can do with what you have at the time. And give the rest rest to God.

'Cause in the end, that's all we really have anyway.

NANCY

http://nancyvnjourney.blogspot.com/